a month

holy crap, it's been a month already! where did it go?

the new phase

meet Alvin, born 13 september. to think that he came out of me is mind-blowing even though i felt every second of it.

over it

great new video and song from dinosaur jr from their new soon to be released album farm. it seems to have leaked, but i haven't heard it yet. though according to madeleine, it's excellent.

seeing this video made me realize i'm not at all freaking out about growing old anymore. isn't that something :)

this pregnancy business

i'm not sure why i'm so reluctant to write about my current state since i'm quite happy about it. well, i'm not too happy about everything that keeps happening to my body because of it, but i'm happy that i am pregnant and what's going to be the end result, so to speak. i can hardly wait for the little one to come out and i have baby fever like crazy. i guess i'm a bit conflicted about how i'm going to see myself as not just me, but as someone's mother too. it's weird. i guess it'll take some time to adjust. don't get me wrong, i really wanted to get pregnant, i really want a kid, but it's hard too.

the little creature, also known as 'it' or 'the monster', is 25 weeks old now and has started moving A LOT. the sensation of having something moving inside you is odd. sometimes it just makes me happy, sometimes it's uncomfortable and sometimes it's disturbing. a pretty cool thing is that it sometimes moves as a respond to me tapping on the outside.

my body is more than ever before dictating my life. generally i'm sicker, more tired, more emotional and more inclined to avoid people than before. i also feel sick often, with the occasional throwing up for no reason (still!), i have started having sweaty palms for the first time in my life, i have crappy apatite and my hips hurt when i've walked too far, and with "too far" we're talking not that far at all. oh, and climbing stairs has become a problem.

i keep wondering, who are these women who describes their pregnancies as the best time of their lives or this wonderful experience that made them feel like real women (whatever that means)? cos, really, i already knew i was a woman before i got knocked up, and although i totally think it's worth it and that i will love the creature once it comes out, i can't really see all the wonderful about what i've described above. having to pee five hundred times a day and a few times during the night is not wonderful, getting contractions for climbing a staircase - however slowly i may add - is not wonderful, and so on and so forth.

as time passes, though, i've become more at ease with the fact that everything isn't as important as maybe i thought. i can't do and be everything, and that's ok.

counting weeks

i just had a thought. teachers and pregnant women must be the only ones actually seeing, and counting, time in weeks. as opposed, i guess, to days and months. need i more proof than the fact that i, the teacher, am the only one amongst my friends who always know which week it is? (it's the end of week 19 for those interested.)

now, being as it is that i'm currently both - a teacher and a pregnant woman that is - i realized i also have two counts going. one; that it's only 5½ weeks left until my lovely and long summer break, and two; that i tomorrow enter week 24 in this strange and mythical 40-week journey called pregnancy.

these are interesting times.

little plastic castle

some days ani difranco tells the story best.

in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop in every city
on a day which is every day
i picked up a magazine
which is every magazine
read a story, and then forgot it right away

they say goldfish have no memory
i guess their lives are much like mine
and the little plastic castle
is a surprise every time
and it's hard to say if they're happy
but they don't seem much to mind

from the shape of your shaved head
i recognized your silhouette
as you walked out of the sun and sat down
and the sight of your sleepy smile
eclipsed all the other people
as they paused to sneer at the two girls
from out of town

i said, look at you this morning
you are, by far, the cutest
but be careful getting coffee
i think these people wanna shoot us
or maybe there's some kinda local competition here
to see who can be the rudest

people talk
about my image
like i come in two dimensions
like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind
like what i happen to be wearing
the day that someone takes a picture
is my new statement for all of womankind

i wish they could see us now
in leather bras and rubber shorts
like some ridiculous new team uniform
for some ridiculous new sport
quick someone call the girl police
and file a report

in a coffee shop in a city
which is every coffee shop in every city
on a day which is every day

brain meltdown

damn, i can't think. or decide anything. have had my whole collection of mp3s on shuffle for the last week. deciding what to wear when yesterday's clothes smell too bad to use again is a horror. and i have a birthday gift to buy for tomorrow. agony.

please decide for me. yeah?

auntie jenny

as of saturday i am an aunt! this is the greatest thing, i'm so happy. and to think that my baby sister is a mom, it's crazy! but crazy wonderful. i have total baby fever. tonight i'm gonna meet this little guy for the first time and i can't wait!

lots of exclamation points here. :)

copies

someone else has my tattoo. at least it's not in the same place or the same font. but still! part of me is thrilled, part of me is annoyed. cos i'm a nerd like that.

here's the other



i found it here, at the science tattoo emporium. check out the other tattoos, there are a few really neat ones.

for those of you not familiar with math like this; it's called euler's identity, after swiss 18th century mathematician euler. in the linked article the following quote is found

In 1988, readers of the Mathematical Intelligencer voted [Euler's Identity] "the Most Beautiful Mathematical Formula Ever". In total, Euler was responsible for three of the top five formulae in that poll.

i chose to get it not because i'm a huge fan of mr mathematician here, but because, like the readers of that magazine, i think the formula itself encompasses what i love about mathematics, that something that looks and seems complicated essentially is very simple. it's a beautiful sentiment. here's mine



update: i found one more. here i was thinking i was original.

breeders love

this is one of my favorite songs with the breeders, and also a great video.



also, we had snow today! the world sure looks prettier with snow. and check out pretendingtobejapanese.com i write there too now and then.

phair love

i love liz phair. this video is sooo 90s it's crazy.

sugar, cream and almonds

i long for a semla.