i'm not sure why i'm so reluctant to write about my current state since i'm quite happy about it. well, i'm not too happy about everything that keeps happening to my body because of it, but i'm happy that i am pregnant and what's going to be the end result, so to speak. i can hardly wait for the little one to come out and i have baby fever like crazy. i guess i'm a bit conflicted about how i'm going to see myself as not just me, but as someone's mother too. it's weird. i guess it'll take some time to adjust. don't get me wrong, i really wanted to get pregnant, i really want a kid, but it's hard too.
the little creature, also known as 'it' or 'the monster', is 25 weeks old now and has started moving A LOT. the sensation of having something moving inside you is odd. sometimes it just makes me happy, sometimes it's uncomfortable and sometimes it's disturbing. a pretty cool thing is that it sometimes moves as a respond to me tapping on the outside.
my body is more than ever before dictating my life. generally i'm sicker, more tired, more emotional and more inclined to avoid people than before. i also feel sick often, with the occasional throwing up for no reason (still!), i have started having sweaty palms for the first time in my life, i have crappy apatite and my hips hurt when i've walked too far, and with "too far" we're talking not that far at all. oh, and climbing stairs has become a problem.
i keep wondering, who are these women who describes their pregnancies as the best time of their lives or this wonderful experience that made them feel like real women (whatever that means)? cos, really, i already knew i was a woman before i got knocked up, and although i totally think it's worth it and that i will love the creature once it comes out, i can't really see all the wonderful about what i've described above. having to pee five hundred times a day and a few times during the night is not wonderful, getting contractions for climbing a staircase - however slowly i may add - is not wonderful, and so on and so forth.
as time passes, though, i've become more at ease with the fact that everything isn't as important as maybe i thought. i can't do and be everything, and that's ok.