crash

sometimes working with teenagers, teaching or otherwise i assume, is the greatest kick, and sometimes it's like hitting your head on a brick wall. today was the latter.

most of them are darling kids with not much of a clue, just as we've all been when we were 14 or 15 (or 26, this is just random when we grow up isn't it). still the bunch that refuse to acknowledge that other people also have feelings and does not deserve to be stepped upon drowns me of energy sometimes. i know it has nothing to do with me personally, but today i lost it. i just couldn't take the throwing things, the yelling and aggression so i just left the room and started crying.

the first time i cried at work i had some conflicting ideas about dignity. boy are those thoughts gone. it actually felt kind of good sitting in the principals office having a cry and unloading. i guess i'm lucky to have such understanding and sympathetic colleagues. then i went home, cos ones i've started crying, every obstacle however small gets me going again and i can't really deal with crying in front of my students. right now i'm mending my scratches with gilmore girls (rory and jess has just started seeing each other and it's so cute i wish i was 17 again!) and rilo kiley.

today's also lars' birthday and i plan on baking an awesome cake for this evening, let's hope it doesn't turn out to be yet a brick wall.